Doubting in one’s sanity at this point in the game probably isn’t a healthy sign but today was one of those days. Questioning myself and what it is I’m planning on doing.
As of July 26th I’ve had no home of my own. I no longer have an address. I’ve sold 95% of everything I owned, alot of it for pennies on the dollar because I had limited time to get rid of it. Most of what I have left is crammed into my truck which in itself isn’t even mine. Watching today’s payment come out of my already small travel budget really hurt. It made me question how long I can really last on my own. I also have things I need to do and a few things I have to get, all being put off because I don’t want to spend the money.
I’ve been really anxious to get the hell out of here yet thankful for the time and space in a friends house (house sitting) to work through some of my older photography, getting it uploaded onto my new online store etc. Even though it seems to be taking forever.
I’m yearning for the open road yet scared shitless that I’m not going to last more than a few months based on the financial realities of it. Having no financial back up plan is frightening. Then again, it’s not like I had one while scraping month to month together here in Vancouver to survive in the city and the reality was, that was costing me even more.
I guess I just needed to write this as a small form of therapy as even now I’m starting to feel the fear ease off, almost disappear. I can’t let myself undermine myself with negative energy. As I read this over I’m inclined to simply delete it and go to sleep. Yet I think I’ll leave it up. As a reminder to readers that I am human. That not every day is or will be cherries and rainbows. I have hopes and dreams of this upcoming trip. I also have fears and concerns regarding taking such a large stride in the opposite direction than most. I guess all that I can do is go about it as I have been, be open to incoming opportunities and get ready for what could be a really cool adventure.
Thanks for listening.